He Can’t.

Some days, I see this:

  • He can’t make himself a snack. I have to prepare and supervise every meal.
  • He can’t stomach new foods. I have to cook the same limited menu.
  • He can’t use a knife. I have to cut up his food before he eats.
  • He can’t hang out with friends on his own. I have to hover and facilitate.
  • He can’t shave his face, brush his teeth, or wash his hair independently. I have to take over those tasks.
  • He can’t match his clothes. I have to lay them out for him.
  • He can’t organize his time. I have to micro-manage every step to get him ready for his day.

But, this is also true:

  • He can’t make himself a snack – because I prepare and supervise every meal.
  • He can’t stomach new foods – because I cook the same limited menu.
  • He can’t use a knife – because I cut up his food before he eats.
  • He can’t hang out with friends on his own – because I hover and facilitate.
  • He can’t shave his face, brush his teeth, or wash his hair independently – because I take over those tasks.
  • He can’t match his clothes – because I lay them out for him.
  • He can’t organize his time – because I micro-manage every step to get him ready for his day.

My son can’t do many things – because I still do too much.

He can’t do them – because I have not taken the time to teach him.

He can’t escape his mom-enabled deficits – until I make it a priority to get out of his way.

He can’t learn to do these things – without strategic teaching and creative modifications that take his sensory, fine motor, and communicative needs into account.

He can’t complete these tasks independently – without time and patience and belief.

He can’t do these things today – but not because he can’t.

He just can’t. Yet.

Version 2

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4 comments

  1. Bright Side of Life · August 16, 2015

    One step at a time. Edge plus one and all that! 🙂
    P.S. Your list is my list!

  2. Full Spectrum Mama · August 16, 2015

    Oh dear.
    A lot of soul searching here.
    I mean…some of the stuff I do it’s because it’s easier…some is more safe…
    But so, SO, SOOOOO true: he’ll never learn if I keep it up.
    Big breath.
    Love,

    • stayquirkymyfriends · August 18, 2015

      It was good for me to think about all these things, so I can pick one or two small steps that are realistic right now…with that broader goal in mind…safety is definitely still a concern, but piece. by. piece….

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